While You Were Married
100 things you missed out on while being married or the like
I put the “100 things” list in a google document:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/172ck5nW_UdmGr9Ua0syb5XGY76NKR9LB540mI6w6194/edit?usp=sharing
To be up-front, I am (2x) divorced. Once married as a pregnant teenager. Next married as a 25-year old in an age-gap marriage. And now, I’m single as a cheese slice, since 2004. And to avoid feeling regret, I know how to work like a crazy person. Ask me how I know: if you are working too much, this is not always a good or functional thing to do.
In March of this year, I met a person going through a divorce after being married for many years. They are already grieving the life being lost, with three young adult children watching it all happen. They are also a work-o-holic.
Thinking about their joining the “divorced persons club”, allowed me to recall the many common daily life things about marriage that seem to be privileged activities IMO.
Having children with someone who can stand you, and watching them grow up, all together as a family, and you can feed them all, seems dreamy. Living the dream of family, is a modern privilege.
BUT SO IS BEING UNMARRIED. Many countries do not allow divorces.
Having an opportunity to become an individual, after having lived the privilege of marriage and familyhood, is SO LUCKY.
I wanted to know… what are all of the experiences that married people are not exposed to or experiencing, but that single or divorced people are experiencing? But also, what about the people who are married to their jobs, who are lacking in the “self-experience department” too?
The information that was gathered in the “100 things” list up above is from a research bot called Perplexity. It is a confluence of expertise from published sources.
I capped the list at 100 items, because to me it is overwhelming to think that being “together” for a long time can “cause” people to be stunted in these ways.
I present this list of information with a rebellious intention attached to it: let’s get to know ourselves and others better, and not let someone tell us we can’t.
#divorce #cope #emotions #family #marriage #marriagecounseling #singlepeople #marriedpeople #workoholic #effectsofmarriage #romanticcouples #situationship
Note: you can purchase the “Self Love Club” graphic above at:
https://victorianprint.co.uk/product/self-love-club-single-coaster/
Interesting list, I think there may be some repetition but knowing a little about your background from your 'About Alisha' article I wonder if this list includes things you didn't have the opportunity to do while in your age gap marriage.
Full disclosure I've been married for 45 years in total with one divorce roughly in the middle, I've done a lot of the things on the list out of necessity. My first house needed decoration, never done it before but. learnt by my mistakes. Buying a car with a lot of rusty bits? Got that experience too. Modern cars are almost impossible to service except check water, oil and tyre pressures. Gave up changing tyres years ago... very bad for your back muscles, learnt that the hard way.
Good list though and I can see a lot of thought went into it
Thank you for sharing this with such honesty. Your perspective highlights something we don’t always talk about, that both marriage and being unmarried carry their own forms of privilege, challenge, and growth. I love the way you frame it as an opportunity to know ourselves better, rather than being defined by what society expects. That’s a powerful reminder.