Heeding warnings about men, does nothing.
I have been warned by, threatened by, and am scared of, most men. Here is a brief selection from the past 15 years of my life, when men are involved.
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First off, if you are a man, and we are still connected, you are a gold nugget in my circle. This article is not about you.
However, this post is absolutely true. And I will tell the truth about the many “types” of men you might work with, or know, or probably you might even love and protect them. I think you should know how horrible and creepy men are to me, and other women.
Psychologically, I am a jigsaw puzzle. Most of my pieces are in the right place. But, many of the pieces are flipped around, or oriented in a wrong direction. I had no fucking chance to be normal, whatever that entails.
My father should have been diagnosed as paranoid schizo. He was afraid of everything.
That he read so many spy novels, and so many religious books about the end of times, did not help him to feel safer. And thus, no one inside the “family” I grew up in, was allowed to feel safe.
We were NOT safe with a psycho running the household.
And there was abuse of all kinds which I experienced for too long. All kinds. All kinds. All kinds. All the fucking kinds. And I was told:
If you tell anyone, I’ll disown you.
No, that didn’t happen.
You are going to hell and so is your daughter.
Okay, but let’s pretend that the many thousands of dollars in various therapies over the years have helped me to be less weird, and more grounded, and not as scared of life.
Let’s assume that, because of all that investment in my health and wellness, now approaching age 50, I am better able to see and move past all that paranoid stuff.
So anyway, I am trying to be normal. I date military guys, and one cop, some doctors, and some first responders… heroes that would maybe protect and save me.
But NAH. They are ALL traumatized, and they ALL tell me too much. Things I was not supposed to be told.
And the military intelligence guy said, don’t trust the news, no matter what. Don’t trust military guys, they are psycho killers. And he introduced me to some of them at a military event.
And the cop told me: Don’t trust cops, they are dishonest pigs. And later he ends up hurting his own kid.
And the doctors told me, don’t trust doctors and many of the first responders. They do their own drugs. And I watch one of them do drugs.
And next, I am sexually assaulted by my client’s employee who was a stranger to me, when I was sleeping, alone, in my own room. And he was sleeping on a couch in the living room, without our house permission; sleeping with his girlfriend laying next to him.
And this insane asshole who hurt me, Roland Small, decides to walk 17-steps up to my room, and open the door without knocking. And he does this TWICE in the same night! And I am fucking beside myself, and can’t leave my room the next day.
But I confront him, and tell him that he should not have hurt me.
And I am encouraged to go to the cops by an old lady neighbor. And I finally do. And then I am told by the cops: We are not able to help you. You were not raped or murdered. And the australian guy who did it, says he didn’t. So, sorry. And they are being serious.
And I am left to wither away. And, I was not able to be asleep, or achieve REM sleep for many many years after that.
And he later yells at me on the street. Calls me a bitch and a liar. And I am grateful that a neighbor friend of mine is walking with me, because right then I want to either kill Roland, or melt safely into the concrete where he can’t reach me.
And I have my financial well-being destroyed, on several occasions. Literally, hundreds of thousands of dollars of my professional contracted work, goes unpaid. And I have been left literally penniless after doing 100% my part. And those who have failed to pay me, decide to attack me.
And one particular MF writes me a termination letter, after the fact; saying Alisha you are fired. You did not finish your work. You are a liar.
And they write about me online. And they say insane things like the FBI has been notified of my scams. And they contact all my clients, and I lose years of opportunities, even volunteer opportunities. And all of this makes me ill. And I am TERRIFIED of being online more than I currently am.
And more recently, another type of male client, they disappear from a deal I’ve worked on for over a year. It is already past the YES stage, and they leave me and an international Buyer hanging. And they suddenly issue me a cease and desist.
I have “won awards”. And I am totally capable, and trying to stay driven in my careers, despite my fears. But these things do not matter. I am still asked to cuddle, fuck, the like, by colleagues and some married bosses, and even my doctor. And many of these men get confused and angry at me for saying NO.
And next after covid shut down re-opens, I attend a tradeshow. And my business mentor makes actual moves on me, after meeting for the first time in-person. And I do not go for it. And the morning after I say NO, I am E-Mailed and they write things like:
You know… I had too much THC. At my age… and that they are disappointed in ME. And they are very powerful, and I am scared to tell them to fuck off, except in a nice way. But I so BADLY want their wife to know!
And next, even more recently, I am harassed by a colleague who has a drinking problem. And he won’t stop harassing me.
And he adds inappropriate things to contracts. And he sends me stupid ass photos. And he admits to being involved with Q Anon, and he shows me a lame skull tattoo that supposedly means something. And he keeps saying sorry and that… It’s when I drink. I am sorry for doing this, again. You know I love you. I know you love me.
And I have to act like nothing is happening, because we have a handful of deals going on. And at the end of it, because of HIM, NONE of the deals go through.
From deep within my mind, I sometimes hear a thought coming forward: “After I’m dead, I will make it a point to HAUNT all of these MFs who have hurt me.” That’s all I’ve got. Otherwise, in this life, I remain terrified and financially broke enough to stay silent.
Which brings me to NOW
Except now this very moment, I work with a nice man. He and his associate are my clients. His associate - his business partner, also my client - openly practices bigotry. AND, he is openly rude to me. And he practices a violent religion that is openly unkind to women, because they are chattel.
And this mean associated man refuses to be kind to me, except for when others are with us in online meetings. And because another woman owes him money, he does and has refused to pay ME on time, without making big complaints about having to pay me. And he has told me that my time is not worth it, even though they keep asking me to be involved.
And, I am trying to avoid him, to make ends meet. But I am exhausted.
So guys… so everyone… I am a woman. I am not married. I have no big, burly, smart, respectful, helpful man to protect me. They do not exist. And I am fucking exhausted, being so poor, for so long, no matter how many ways I tried to protect myself.
How is a woman, like me, supposed to be okay?
Truth is, I don’t think there is a plan for me, except for to duck and dodge the bullets. And try to do the simple things that make me happy, like art, poetry and music. And, I will continue to work out, to have enough muscle to fight off evil dudes on the street. And, I will have to try not to kill myself willingly or otherwise, during the course of “earning” my meager everyday life.
Need Statistics? Here they are.
First, here are some websites and resources to show you more about the sad sickening state of men, including super detailed information about abuse perpetrated by men against women. Also, including the types of abuse and prevalence data.
World Health Organization (WHO) – Violence Against Women
Overview and global statistics on violence against women, including intimate partner violence and sexual violence.
URL: https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/violence-against-women
Australian Institute of Criminology (AIC) – Family, Domestic and Sexual Violence
Research and data on domestic and family violence in Australia.
URL: https://www.aic.gov.au/topics/crime-types/family-domestic-and-sexual-violence
Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS) – Personal Safety Survey
Survey data providing insights into personal safety including domestic violence experiences.
URL: https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/people/crime-and-justice/personal-safety-australia/latest-release
Our Watch (Australia) – Preventing Violence Against Women
Provides resources, research summaries, and strategies for preventing violence against women.
URL: https://www.ourwatch.org.au/
National Domestic Violence Hotline (US-based, but informative broadly)
Resources and educational materials about types of abuse.
URL: https://www.thehotline.org/
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) – Intimate Partner Violence
Data and prevention strategies on intimate partner violence.
URL: https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/index.html
In a NUTSHELL… the most common types of abuse perpetrated by men against women (like me!) are:
1) Physical abuse. This includes hitting, slapping, kicking, beating, and other forms of physical violence causing injury or fear.
2) Emotional (psychological) abuse. Insults, belittling, humiliation, intimidation, threats of harm or threats to take away children, and controlling behaviors fall under this category. Emotional abuse is widespread and often accompanies physical abuse.
3) Sexual abuse or violence. This includes forced sexual intercourse, sexual coercion, and any sexual acts without consent. Sexual violence is a prevalent form of abuse against women.
4) Controlling behaviors and coercive control. These behaviors systematically restrict a woman's freedom and autonomy, including monitoring social interactions, isolating from friends and family, and economic control. Coercive control creates an ongoing context of fear and domination.
5) Stalking and harassment: Persistent unwanted attention or harassment that causes fear or distress is also commonly perpetrated by men against women.
Did you know? Male perpetrators are FAR more likely than female perpetrators to repeat abusive behaviors, and to create contexts of fear and control for their victims.
What will likely keep happening to me at the hands of men, colleagues or not? Here are the stats:
Globally, nearly 1 in 3 women (about 30%) aged 15 and older have experienced physical and/or sexual violence by an intimate partner or sexual violence by a non-partner at least once in their lifetime. This is supported by WHO and UN Women data.
In the United States, over 1 in 3 women (35.6%) have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetimes, with women aged 18 to 34 experiencing the highest rates of intimate partner violence (IPV).
Worldwide, more than 640 million women (26%) have experienced intimate partner violence, and intimate partner violence accounts for a majority of female homicides globally.
In Australia, approximately two in five women (39%) have experienced violence since the age of 15, with men being the primary perpetrators.
Women are disproportionately affected by IPV: approximately 85% of IPV victims are women, and young women aged 16-24 are at a particularly high risk.
Reporting rates for IPV are low; only about 20-25% of such incidents are reported to police, indicating many cases go unrecorded.
This stuff makes me rage and think very cruel things. When will men get their shit together? When will they not whine about it, pull up their own britches, and figure out how to be good humans?!